Beginnings of March

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Time, Life, Love

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We were inseparable, comfortable, funny, miserable.. Then time goes by we drift apart. When we’re close I feel like before but our words seem different, heavier, almost forced. We both know this and its what makes everything more awkward. I don’t know if things will change I don’t know how they can. And how will I cope? maybe I should just accept it. I’ve tried to fight for it before but nothing changes. And maybe that’s how its supposed to be after all we’re not 13 year old’s anymore sitting on a stoop telling each other about our hope and dreams. Time has simply chipped away at us. Life at times to harsh. Loves in time to deep.  So I feel like my heart is crying one tear at a time.

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His eyes

I was so close to him last night I looked into his eyes, I held him and told him everything would be alright. He’s clinging to me, then I feel him slowly letting go. And I wonder How many more encouraging hugs are left?  before he is a man on his own without his mom right by him to hold him.  This is so much harder than I expected my heart is on guard just waiting for the next blow. Even if unintentional, oh how it hurts. 

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A Sigh

Today Its appropriate to share the reason I sigh often. He makes me laugh out loud, he still holds my hand and saves me every night from the monotony of it all. He listens to all my dreams, my visions, my sorrows, and yes even my complaining. He has the biggest heart I have ever seen. And yes he inspires me to be a better me. when I think of him I sigh………  

Happy Valentines

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Reflection

Here I am in its fog. I didn’t think much about it and as it progressed it pulled me in, so much I thought of little else for a few days. And now after becoming so involved I am greeted with death. I’m slapped in the face, I’m ripped with emotion. I must wait for this to pass. Savor its characters and circumstances. Wait for this feeling of unfairness, unimaginable grief, and sorrow to once again become numb.
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In Reverse

The past hovers over me like a cloud. Some days it pours all over me and I can’t seem to find an umbrella or make the rain stop. So I wait for it to let up. But no its not water thats continuously falls its memories. Memories of my childhood, of my grandparents.  My father who stands out in mind. Hard working, paitent, reserved, positive, sentimental, loving. The one person I want to be. My mother so constant, adventureous, kind, unafraid and lonely. A person I wish I understood more.

Im finally drenched in these memories that envelope me…. suffocating. And I dont know what to do.
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Hope

Just as I feel like my glass of hope has overflowed, another magically appears waiting anxiously to be filled. Even on a Monday as I drag to get out of bed my thoughts are screaming……. No! not again,  can I sleep till tomorrow? Tomorrow I promise tomorrow I’ll get up. Then there’s a second of silence and waking up just like me is hope.There
With her sleepy whisper…….today will be a good day.

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Saturday morning bliss

Saturday morning making myself a cup of steaming hot coffee, with possibly a hunk of bread slathered with butter is just essential to keeping the demons away. I mean its the perfect start to my day
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Loneliness

Feeling alone doesn’t have to be a sensation that lingers. It could be just a few minutes, while your thinking of someone you miss so dearly. Our simply in a breath. All of a sudden, even if you know of so many people that love you ,you just simply feel……alone. It can happen to anyone. Its a heartbreaking sensation, its crippling even if just for a breath.

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February

I really like February. Its still the beginning of the year still fresh and new, with so much possibility.  Days are beautiful here, bright blue with a fresh crisp breeze.

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I really can’t imagine living anywhere else.

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